This is my second attept at this fan fic! lol As you know, it was originally called Tainted Love but I changed it to Dearly Beloved and I also changed other interesting things to it as well.If you are really confused go to my journal where it leaves and explanation! I'm still working on all of the chapters but I've just decided to put the prolouge up since I'm done with that k? lol m'kay.





Prologue


 
My dearest Lawny,

       
I love you.
   
You know I do.

I miss you so much.

       
I remember all the times we’ve spent together.

The good,

And bad.

I remember the times you laughed.

And when you cried.

You know, I laughed with you,

I cried with you.

You were my Angel.

You still are.

You’re just somewhere else.

Out of my sight.

I’m not mad.

I would never be mad at you.

Just envy.

I want to be like you.

I want to be where you are.

I don’t want to be here.

Alone.

With no one to lean on.

I smile when I think about how we used to fight.

We’d fight all the time.

But this was before I did something for you.

Something that saved your life.

Twice.

You made me feel sane.

My heart was no longer broken,

When we shared our first kiss.

You have the lips of an angel Lawny.

An angel.

I knew then.

Right at that moment.

I was going to spend the rest of my life with you.

I made sure of that.

Again, know that I love you.

I love you with all my heart.

I didn’t mean for us to drift apart.

That, I just couldn’t control.

It just…happened.

Please don’t be mad.

It is for the best Lawny.

For the best.

It’s hard.

Really hard.

And I have to live life without you here beside me.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry for the both of us.

It's just how it has to be,

From now on.

--Your one and only,
       Sugar



****************************
I know. Different right? Yep. It is no longer a third person story, but a first person story. I like it! Do you guys likke it? Give me your opinions!!!

<3333333 Jinxy  

--Last edited by xXJinxieJinxXx on 2007-01-16 11:47:27 --

Ohhh!  It is very different, yet so good at the same time!  I can't wait for more!

Thanks Faye!
I'll be editing the first chapter A LOT and then putting it on here sooo.....watch out for that! lol

AHH
OOH
KISDNFIOJSOF
*SPAZES*
I LOVE IT
*DANCES*
I'M NOT GOING TO GO BACK TO CAPS LOCK CUZ I HAVE T MUCH EMOTION
AHHHHHHHHHHH
I LOVE IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
WRITE MORE SOON!!!!!!!!!!

*GIGGLES* I will!

It's very different, post more soon!!! It's Awesome!!  

--Last edited by in the parking lot on 2007-01-15 23:42:54 --

thanks Kristen! I will

Chapter 1

"The first time I caught, a glimse of you, then all my thoughts, were only of you..."


     
I remember

The day we feel in love

 
Well, the day you feel in love with me.


That was the best day of my life.

That day when you looked into my green eyes.

When I saw love in your ocean blue ones.

No longer hate.

Hate for me.

You loved me Lawny.

You really did.

And you know what?

That scared me.

It really did.

To know that you actually loved me back.

Every night I’d just stare at my ceiling while lying in my bed.

Just thinking about you

I thought



Only of you.



How all I wanted to do was hold you.

And there I was

Holding you on that particular day.

Protecting you.

And that’s when you cried.

I’ve never seen you cry before.

Not once.

And there you were

Crying.

Crying, in fact, is not a weakness.

It is of the human nature to cry.

And so you did.

You cried.



Cried over me.

--Sugar
-- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- --








I watched as your pen scratched against your paper.

Must have been dry because you sighed and tossed it and it hit my head.

And you must have thought it was rather funny because you began to giggle, your mouth covering your laugh.




Tú pequeña muchacha pobre. <--- You poor little girl
   



Although you covered your mouth, trying to hide your laugh is merely impossible.

Even though you covered your mouth to hide a smile or a laugh your eyebrows and your eyes always seemed to reveal it.




Anyway…
 



I just decided to ignore that new little lump on my head and continued to draw.

Who wants to listen to some boring teacher anyway?              

Especially one who talks like a computer….

It’s was a complete waste of my time.

I didn’t even want to be there!

The only reason why I didn’t drop out of school was….

To see you.




Why didn’t you like me?

That’s what I always wondered…

Did you love me?

Were you just too scared to tell me?

I think that’s what it was.




You were scared.




Because even though we were into the same rock bands and even though we were in the same clique...

You just didn’t seem to like me.  

You’d call me a loser, little things like that that really made me hurt.

I didn’t get it.

I was miserable then.

I was too scared to even look at you.

You got along with Mike just fine but not me.

You wouldn’t say a word when I’d mummer hi in the halls and when I waved you would never wave back.

Why did I keep doing that?

You wouldn’t even give me the time of day.







So there I was.

In the most boring class…….everrrr.

Writing Strategies.

Wow, it even looks boring as hell!

Hmmm…interesting...



I made sure you weren’t looking and picked up your pen and stuffed it into my binder and then continued to doodle.

I know, weird huh?

Just figured I'd have something of yours besides all the cds I’d steal from you.



Uh..sorry about that…



Ahem…



I looked up, watching you look out the window, eyeing the same green tree, the same wooden bench, the same light blue sky, the same white cotton candy-like clouds, and the same red, white, and blue flag for a good…..ten minutes.

I looked up at the clock at the same time as you did.




Weird…




3:08




2 more minutes until the final bell.

I could make it that long…..I think.

The bell soon rang and all the students escaped rather quickly including me out of class.

I began picking up my things and stuffing loads of shit into my binder.

So I wasn’t the most organized person in the world but whatever.

It didn’t mean I’d be a horrible boyfriend right?

I glanced over at you and my heart skipped.






You were looking at me.






I didn’t even think you knew the bell had rung.

You just…sat there…looking over at me.

I managed to give you a little smile.

HOLY SHIT YOU SMILED BACK!





Again weird…





At that point I felt better like maybe, just maybe, there was hope.

That maybe I’d actually be able to hold you in my arms like I wish I could do while I’d lye in my bed just thinking about you. How beautiful you are…

You are beautiful Lawny.



You really are.



Sometimes I hated that.

Any guy could sweep you up in his arms and carry you away.

This is why I needed to tell you later today at Christie Road.

I had to.

I was either going to tell you…

Or not tell you at all.

As you can tell I walked happily out of the room…for once.

Just thought I’d say that…




I knew you and Mike’s conversation very well that day…



“Uh, Lawny…the bell rang.” Mike told her almost dropping his many binders in his hand.
But you still sat there, staring at the door where I once stood.
“Lawny,” Mike repeated.
“Uh…,” You looked up at him. “Huh?”
“The bell rung.”
“Oh,” You cried jumping up out of your seat and grabbing your things. “My bad!”
Mike laughed and shook his head. “Lawny, are you smoking pot again?”
You looked at him and gave him an evil glare.

I loved that evil glare…don’t know why…

Maybe it was because I was used to you giving it to me all the time.

“Mike, I’ve never smoked pot and I don’t intend to.”

“Well you should, It’s fun.” Mike told you grinning.
“Whatever Mike.”
You and Mike then escaped class also and went to your lockers.





Oh look, here I am again.





“Hey Lawny,” I said as I got all of my things I needed into my bookbag.

Wait…since when do I ever need anything from my locker?

Oh well…

“Hey loser,” You said back getting all of your things that you needed into your book bag.



Guess I’ll follow along…



“Slut,” I said.

That word wasn’t true.

“Redneck,” You said back.

Well…my name is Billie Joe…

“Witch,”

Again, not true.

Just making that clear.

“Dweb,”

Wasn’t the first time I was called that…

“Bad breath,”

Also not true at all.

You gave me a confused look. “I do?”

I shook my head.

See, told you it wasn’t true.

“No, you’re perfect.” I whisper.

I walked away leaving you standing there in awe.

My word to you for that day…

Perfect.

I’m guessing that put a dent in your heart?

Not that I meant to…



You slammed your locker door shut.

Wow…bigger dent than I thought…

You were mad at yourself…








Really mad…










“Lawny,” Mike said coming up to you. “You ready or what?”
“Uh…yeah…I’m coming.” you whispered walking up to him.
“Are you okay,” Mike asked. “Because you’re acting really weird today.”
“Me? Acting weird? No!” You told him in a panicky voice.
Mike gave you a weird look. “Uh…yeah…weird.”
“Listen Mike,” You began. “You did not have a pad stuck up your butt the whole day today and you did not treat Billie like crap just to let him call you perfect, so I don’t want to hear it!”

Oh burn!

Mike laughed. “Oh! Billie called you perfect today? What was it yesterday? Oh yes, beautiful?”
You then gave him a dirty look. “Mike, you’re not helping.”
“Sorry,”
“It’s alright,” You told him. “Just keep your evil comments to yourself because I, for one, do not want to hear them.”
“Oh, Alright!”
“Mike, don’t whine.”
“Fine! Jeez!”
“Mike, do you want another star on your behavior board or not? You know, if you misbehave, I’m going to take all of them off and you will not get a prize.” You said treating him like a baby.

Now that was hilarious!

Mike glared at you.

Then you laughed.

I loved your laugh!

That made me smile because I knew you could be happy.

"It's so fun to tease you!" You say.

Mike sighed.

“I’m sure it is.”





See that?


I knew your conversation without being there!




Told you I was magic.












“Hey guys!” You greeted as you sat down on the tracks at Christie Road almost tripping over them.



Clumsy.



The walk there was just like any other walk.

Mike always made sure he was in the middle of you and I just so things wouldn’t get ugly.

He knew what he was doing.

He knew it was “hate” from day one between the two of us.

When we met a year earlier.


We really didn’t fight ALL the time.

We’d be nice to each other every once in awhile; we’d talk not fight.


…Most of the time it was the other way around…



You were an aggressive little girl.


Meow!


One word or one false move and you’d scratch someone’s eyeballs out.

No ifs, ands, or buts.

You never let anyone bring you down.

I loved that about you Lawny.


You were really pretty.


Well..VERY pretty actually.


Your ocean blue eyes always sparkling with either love or hate, and your hair’s color varied with blonde and brown.

You were really petite and were shorter than me!

I never thought that was possible really.

I’m pretty short you know!

Well…of course you know…

Now I’m just rambling…

Where was I?


Oh yeah…I remember…

You usually wore blue jeans which were torn and tattered and a band t-shirt. You would always cake the black eyeliner around your eyes bringing out the blue color of your irises.

You would always steal my eyeliner…


I guess that’s what I get for stealing your cds right?

For your lips you would use a bright red lipstick.


My bright red lipstick…





Just kidding…






I loved you.


You loved me.




…Took us a while to figure that one out…



“Hey Lawny!” Your friends Sarah and Chelsea shouted from the tracks.

Chelsea was the biggest clown anyone has ever seen.

I should know, she is my cousin.

LITTLE cousin.

She was tough, loud, funny, hyper, and like you, she never let anyone bring her down.

Her black hair fell to the middle of her back and her green eyes stood out whenever she wore her black eyeliner.

She wore the wildest clothes. Most of the things she wore she made all herself.

On that day she was wearing a white tank top which had black at the top, a black cross and sliver heart around her neck, blue jeans with a studded belt through the hoops, and a white little bow in her hair. Not too wild.

Unusually.


Wait…how do I remember exactly what she wore that day?

Oh yeah…I forgot…


I’m magic.


ALAKASAM!







…Moving on…





“How are you doing little cuz?” Chelsea asked as she sat next to him me on the tracks.


Uh…BIG cousin!


I gave her a weird look. “Chels, I’m older than you!”



“Aw! You are too cute!” She said pinching his cheeks. I laughed.

OH GOD!

She’s on drugs!

She’s defiantly on drugs!



…I wonder where I can get some…



“Chelsea, you are too weird!” Sarah said laughing.

 Sarah was a little taller than Chelsea even though she was younger. She had light blonde hair and jade green eyes that were usually rimmed with black eyeliner. She was hyper and weird like Chelsea but she wasn’t THAT wild! She was a responsible girl and was super quiet when she was around anyone else but her friends.

She was wearing a green and white striped hoodie with blue jeans and green converse. Not too fancy but she liked it! Why would you dress fancy to go to the tracks anyway?

And she liked Mike!

How did I know?

Chelsea, the big mouth.

That’s who.


“I think you both are weird!” You said to your two friends as you messed with your hair.

I smiled at you.

I couldn’t take my eyes off of you.

You were just so beautiful!

You looked over at me and my heart skipped.

OUCH!


Stupid heart…



We stared at each other for a moment until you finally turned away and looked down.

Where you blushing?

I bet you were.


I am soooo sexy!





At that moment I knew this was it.

I had to tell you.

I just had to get it out.


My heart was practically screaming your name.




Here I go…



“Hey Lawny I—“



Suddenly, there was a loud roar coming towards them. Everyone looked over and saw a train on the abandoned tracks.

“Oh my god,” Chelsea cried. “We need to move now!”

Everyone ran off the tracks. The train was about 20 feet away and was going kind of fast but not too fast.

“Wow dude,” Sarah said. “That sound gave me a heart attack!”
“Yeah, Said Chelsea. “Tell me about it.”

I looked around and my heart fell to the pit of my empty stomach.




Where were you?




I looked around worriedly.


“Uh guys,” I began. “Where is Lawny?”

Everyone looked around frantically.

I began running towards the tracks as fast as I could.

“Lawny,” l shouted. “Where are you?”

I then heard a cry saying,

“Over here!”

l looked straight ahead, both my head and my heart pounding like a drum beating out of time.



There you were still on the tracks.


“I’m stuck!” You cried as you tugged on your pant leg.

By now everyone was there gazing at you worried.

They could’ve at least helped me…


The train was 10 feet away.


“Hold on!” l cried as I pulled at your pants.


God, how I hated pants!



Stupid pants…




6 feet away….



“IT WON’T COME OFF!” l cried.


5 feet….


“Oh fuck this!”

l then un-buttoned your pants and took them off of you.

I knew I was going to do that someday…


Just thought it would be in a bed…...




Yeah, I’m perverted.



Then I grabbed you quickly and jumped off the tracks just as the train drove past us.




Wow…



You then looked down at me not believing what just happened.

I looked up at up you not believing you were on top of me…..with no pants on….


Sorry, I just had to say that.


You looked behind you to see your blue jeans still stuck on the tracks.

You began to have tears in your eyes.


Stupid blue jeans made you cry!


I hate blue jeans…



Yet I’m wearing them right now…





M’kay…that makes sense…





You didn’t usually cry.

Not around your friends anyway.



…Or me.


You always tried to be the tough one ever since your mother was murdered by your father.

Your pathetic piece of shit father…


Your father went to jail thank God leaving you to take care of your younger sister Emily who was now five-years-old.



Well…twenty-one now…I think…



You eventually, when you turned 18, got your own apartment where you and Emily stayed.

Not even two months later you had to move out because you couldn’t pay the rent.

You then moved in with Mike.

You and Mike met even before you were born!

I remember Mike telling me how. Your mother’s were best friends and attending yoga classes together wearing black clothes and spiky bracelets which was a little…different to be wearing at a place like that.


But you know what?


You and Mike’s mothers didn’t care what people thought of them.


You loved her so much.


I remember you telling me yourself and about that night when she died.


You were locked in your room but you could still hear your mother crying out with pain.

Then your mother cried out your name when your father tried to get you and Emily also. And your mother protected you and died for you so that he wouldn’t hurt you or Em.


Your mother must have been a great one.


I wish I could’ve met her.



Not even seconds later after her death did the cops come and take your father away to jail.

Emily wasn’t even a year old at the time.



You were forced to grow up quickly and you knew what it was like to live on the streets with nothing to eat. Mike didn’t know where you had gone until you found him in the address book. He let you and Em stay with him without any questions.



That’s when you met me.



As you lied there on top of me crying with your head on my chest I tried my best to comfort you.

Telling you it was all going to be okay when I had no fucking clue.


No fucking clue at all.


From then on you were aloud to cry and was not forced to.


It must’ve felt nice.


Once you finally realized that l just saved your life you looked into my jade green eyes and I looked into your ocean blue ones hypnotized by your beauty.

“Why in the hell was that train there!” We heard Chelsea yell. “What the fuck?”

But neither of us paid attention.




It was just so…surreal.




I went from dreaming about holding you to actually holding you.



You actually loved me back.











You loved me.    


******************************
YAY!!! Chapter one!!! lol So I added I few things here and there and deleted some stuff. I guess that's called editing right? LOL AND I combined chapters 1+2 into ONE!!! lol Why? Cause I can! *giggles*
Thanks for the comments guys!!!
You ALL rock!
<333333 Jinxy  

--Last edited by xXJinxieJinxXx on 2007-01-16 14:10:37 --

OMG CHELSEA!!!!!!  *FREAKS OUT*  THIS IS SOOOOOOOOOOO GOOD!!! MORE WOMAN!!

*GIGGLES* THANK YA FAYE!!!
More soon!

WOOT!  I'M SO EXCITED!  I CAN'T WIAT!

hehehe. I can't wait either and I'm the one writing it! LOL

I LOVED EVERY SINGLE PART OF IT
GOD WHERE DO I START..
I SHOWED YOU EVERY PART I LIKED
SO MUCH DRAMA!
I LOVE THIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
ITS THE BEST CHAPTER EVER!!!
MORE, MORE, MORE!!!!!!!!!!
HOLH SHIT, I LOVE IT!!!
*SPAZES*

*giggles*
thank you!
more soon!

I ABSOLUTLY LOVE IT!!!!!!!!

THANKS KRISTEN!

YOU'RE WELCOME!!

more maybe tomorrow!

*SPAZES*

*ALSO SPAZZES*